Becoming an egotistical utilitarian - by Deniz Basak Dogan
Hi there and welcome back to querencia. 🪐 If you’re taking the time to stop and read this, thanks. I am glad you are here.
In today’s issue, I will talk about the egotistical utilitarian. I first heard the term on a podcast with Matthew McConaughey and Tim Ferris (a link to that podcast episode is linked below). Ever since then, I could not stop thinking about it.
At first, this term doesn’t really make sense, does it? I mean it puts two seemingly opposing words together: In the one hand, we have the egoist, who does whatever’s best for them and on the other hand, we have the utilitarian, who does whatever’s best for others.
However, Matthew McConaughey argues that whatever is good for you has the potential to be also good for others. So, for instance, if you first focus on yourself to be happy, you will be able to make others happy. The more I think about this concept, the more I like it. It’s truly a yin and yang situation. Let’s take this newsletter as another example. I am writing this newsletter to write more and clear my mind. But I also learn more about various topics, because I do a lot of research to find the best content for you. Ultimately, this knowledge does benefit me, but it does not only stay with me. I also share my newly acquired knowledge with you and thus, I am adding more value to the lives of people who read my newsletter.
Finding the sweet spot and becoming an egotistical utilitarian isn’t always easy. I definitely had moments where I have gone too far in one direction. But as anything in life, you will get better, the more you do it.
The power of an egotistical utilitarian is undeniable. Driving our egos for the good of the world is something we all should aspire. What about you? Are you an egotistical utilitarian already?
“If you want to genuinely employ effective emotional intelligence skills, pay attention to the unaddressed scars and voids lurking beneath the surface of your inner emotional landscape. Tend to those honestly and carefully, and you’ll better be able to maintain credibility and strong relationships with others.”
“Many studies have shown that one of the great markers for well-being at midlife and beyond is whether you can rattle off the names of a few close friends. You don’t need to have dozens of friends to be happy, and, in fact, people tend to get more selective about their friends as they age. But the number needs to be more than zero, and more than just your spouse or partner. All the more reason, then, to take honest stock of your friendships.”
“A lot of these feelings are caused by the hustle-porn culture we have created, where busy is king and you gain validation through achieving tasks. When you’re in this mindset, even the nicest activities can become insurmountable chores.”
“If all we’re doing is asking ourselves questions, but never coming up with an answer, well, that can lead to some very imbalanced insanity at times.”
That’s it for today. See you in June,
Deniz 🧿
PS: Take care of your mind. You are enough!
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